Howdy Blog! I have managed to sort a million and one things out in the space of a day and am starting to feel quite proud of myself. The weather has been intense, you would never expect weather like this in Wales and to be fare its my excuse of wearing shorts and flip-flops… I look like a tourist for sure! How is everyone doing today in the BIG wide world?I hope the weather is nice and whatever you are doing with yourselves I am sure its fun and productive. I am now slummed on the sofa watching “Ghost Adventures”. I am not much of a skeptic but would like to believe there is something out there,you never know Aliens may even exist, on the other hand I am pretty certain there was a man dressed as a scare crow walking through a field earlier :/… Today for a change I am feeling rather optimistic, there have been certain events over the last couple of days which have made me really start to appreciate life and what the world has to offer. We all have goals and aspirations and the idea of making them come together can happen; even if its time and consuming and your brain starts to fizzle out from all the constant thinking. Cutting away from work talk I really want to start seeing the world, or at-least sharing peoples stories. If anyone has had an unusual week, feel free to contact me… I will then share it with any passers by on here and in doing so perhaps make a new and distant connection. Have a nice evening world, I have to be up early for work and really need some shut-eye.
Well, a rather positive day to start off with. I have made a few decisions today which will potentially change my life for the better. Time travels fast and my life here at Cardiff seems only but a constant day dream. I have tried my best to stay clear minded and go for a long run, but all that seems to be in the back of my mind is my daughter. There are times in life when you need to try and take the bad with the good, adjust to new environments, a change of scenery perhaps, new career goals, aspirations, loss, love, weather and sometimes times life gets tough and you really try your hardest to snap out of things and continue persisting… Its all in the back of your head; but then again is it? I would like to start living an ordinary life now and becoming the cheerful and courteous person my family once new me as, so moving forward with the times, the area code and my life as a single parent miles away from any close friend and relative, I have started to influence change and this means I must make an effort in some ways to myself, in that “I” need to have a plan of action! This action will result in a more productive lifestyle, new circles, meeting new people, jogging routes, clubs, dance classes, plenty of exercise and without this change I could end up stuck in the wrong and painful frame of mind I have let myself fall into. It is far from often that I daze into nothingness, but as I sat in the sun staring out into the playing-fields this afternoon, I fell in to some sort of trance, I started to reflect on life as a child and how good it was building up an emotional feeling like that, so I kept concentrating to the point where I really started to feel good, whilst at the same time couldn’t help but miss the people closest to me and at that point I knew; whatever happens life has a plan for each and everyone of us and for that reason I must take a new path within a wider sphere and change my destiny for a better outcome and also for my little girls future. Although the last couple of blogs have been fairly deep, I guess at the same time by sharing these feelings and emotions through a wider sphere helps me broadcast a build-up of pressure and by sharing these short narratives; will possibly help others identify underlining issues which cannot quite ever be explained by conversation alone. So to end today’s post: sometimes we all need a bit of change in our lives, to make change we must sometimes ignore the negatives and start producing some positives, so for everyone else out there stuck in a rut like myself, or to anyone going through a difficult time in their lives, try something new, be yourself and furthermore enjoy your life: “it only comes once so make it an outstanding one”
Well I am still waiting on my live-feed-equipment, this seems to be a lack of stock according to the store I purchased it from. I have had a little time to reflect on my life and all that’s happened over the years, the regrets, the choices I have made and most importantly what my little girl is up-to today and trying to picture her cute smile and funny laugh. I hear so many people saying kids pay, I am not quite sure how I’m meant to interpret this, because these things happen and providing both parents insure their child has an amazing life full of memories, love ,guidance and is always there to provide at a time of need; I would only like to imagine this is what most parents try to achieve for their kids. So as much as we are all faced with complications from life, we can make choices, try and be good to people, make sure we are able to provide for our families, encourage a better way of living, you don’t need to be a pop-star, have a million pounds in the bank, drive a 911 turbo, image is only a false reflection of how we feel. I hear so many people saying “I know this guy”, “My friends mate is a producer”, “My purse is worth £600 pound”… Need I say more! We can I either help people in need or flaunt it, don’t get me wrong it would be nice to go nice holidays now and then, maybe meet a nice woman and treat her to a “something better than sausage rolls”, but some parts of society really don’t seem to acknowledge the hardships at their own neighborhoods. If we lived in a world without money, violence, poverty, abuse, fame and if we applied all our skills and time working together, there would be no reason to ‘blag’, we would certainly have time to reflect on our accomplishments as a whole nation, but sometimes I am like “get a grip of yourself” and focus on “you”; not others achievements. There are so many families in the world right now that deserve so much credit and admiration, but all you see in the headlines of the local ‘news papers’ are far from any true statement about the nature of our own humanity. I guess I am rambling on, so drawing My attention away from my thoughts, I hope that my daughter grows up fully aware of good deeds, as apposed to worrying about her waste-line and what others think. I’m originally from a very small part of Wales, growing up as kids we spent little time at home, always out and about with a pair of wellies somewhere and building tree-houses, riding our bikes and coming home covered in mud. Now-days I’m seeing nieces and nephews not even approaching their teenage years glued to an i-pad, coated in thick layers of make-up and some even using social networks to communicate with their parents… Is this the 21st century or am I old fashioned? Ending today’s post: stay true to yourself, keep doing good things and ensure that life is an enjoyable one regardless of where you come from and how hard times are. There are people out there that care and these ‘guys and gals’ are the ones that need a solid pat on the back and some of these people might even be you.
Well its fathers day and I guess this has been something in the back of my head all week. I miss my little girl so much and know if we were together today, it would be the biggest highlight of my year, but sooner or later we will start spending countless of precious memories together again: even though this is going to still take sometime to resolve… These are the most important years of my child’s life and am thankful she has a good mum with a strong heart, even though it’s all led down this path…, but I know deep down and from the bottom of my heart, she knows who I am and sooner or later; we will be reunited once again and I can continue making her happy and loved. The last time I had seen my daughter she was slurring with her words and the next time I see her: she will be an extra size up in clothing, holding more than one word together in a sentence and maybe a little taller, its really nerve-wrecking and I am quite nervous of how she will react, whether she will take to me strait away or not, but I have HUGE Plans for our first day back together and with ‘hope’, leave a lasting Impression of who Daddy is and how much hes missed spending time with her. Today I will be attempting to bake my first ever chocolate cake. Cooking has never truly been a talent of mine and I have to start somewhere so why not with a cake!! Recently I have become a MoNsTeR for soup and have been making all sorts of varieties from home and seem to have built-up quite a lot of ‘soup skills’. Tomorrow its “Carrot & Coriander”… OMG why am I even talking about this! I am sure there is something far more exciting in my life these days than “soup-talk” and thankfully there is: I have retrieved the full trademarks this week for my little girls future, venture, or whatever you want to call it and will all be revealed in the not so distant future, so in the mean time, mainly my thoughts, memories and the progress of mediation will be all blurred out across this blog thingy “without being too personnel”, but may give a little understanding to what means necessary one must in-devour to gain access to a child of their own and for the best interests of both parents to stay happy. The show must go on… So to end today’s post: Happy Fathers day to all the dads out there and make this one: a weekend to forever remember! and most importantly: To all the single mums out there who…
So… As the weekend approaches I feel a sense of anxiety being fathers day, but the weather has been really nice and I may plan a 30mile cycle this weekend to keep my mind clear and to try and stay focused. Work this week has been long and I am glad to see the “time off”. This week a few mistakes have been made at work due to the lack of sleep, long nights trying to focus on “The New Venture”, followed by a constant reminder of spending time alone without nothing better to do than planned work. I am starting to feel a little tired, I am guessing this comes down to long hours trying to slowly build a new life for myself and do have plans tomorrow evening and have been invited to a Comedy club at Cardiff Bay, which will hopefully cheer me up, plus a friend is coming back from Ireland after a trip of ‘pure relaxation’ and on a ‘plus note’ she is bringing her “funny” friend along for the ride, which I really look forward to meeting in person. I am losing weight like it is going out of fashion, dieting really does work!!! I have “The Kooks” playing in the background, followed by a Vodka and Coke. I rarely drink, but now and then its nice to come home from a heavy week at work, to relax surrounded by chilled music and candle-light (soppy I know)… Ending today’s post: Try not to over-do-it, enjoy the weekend wherever you are in the world and keep posted for live feeds in the not-so-distant future!!
OK this is a fairly late response due to my working hours this week. I have only had my notification from mediation with the next available appointment, which happens to fall on the 21st of July… It seems that there are so many other people in need of such a service and due to this it won’t be a further month until I find some sort of solution to spending time with my daughter. So hopefully it will be within the next month, making it two months without seeing my little girl and being fathers day this Sunday: I plan on treating myself to a new collection of clothing… and maybe a cake! Times like this I am glad I have family, friends, combined with a highly focused mind, as alone I am uncertain whether or not I would be able to cope in this situation. Always on a positive note, things happen for a reason and life always works in mysterious ways and I hope that with perseverance, a steady combination of exercise, good company and early nights; things will sway in the right direction, as everyone in this world deserves a chance to shine and me being a tiny spec of the population would only hope; good things come to all good people and to those who wait patiently… So to end today’s blog I have a few additional ideas of where I will be going forward and with the help from a few good pals, I will be setting up a live feed of my daily activities and in doing so: promote such a beautiful and welcoming city, along with what keeps me focused and maybe put a few smiles on others faces which pass by and land on this blog thingy…
Well, I have had the strangest day and without going into too much detail I have been left confused… Completely! but hey keep going and stay strong! My shift patterns at work this week are pretty intense, but I have been for an extremely long run and have just filled in the longest application for business funding for my next venture. I am not quite sure, or if I am slowly becoming custom to jazz music but it helps me run anyhows! The night is young and even though I have some washing to do, I’ve now taken it upon myself to learn something new and with help from a friend over the weekend had been taught a little Salsa dancing. My daughter is still a constant reminder of why I am here and for that reason I inspire to be the best I can be and to one day spend every breathing second making her happy and teaching her about this BIG “old strange world” and in doing so; she may end up a female president of some sort… (We all expect the best for our kids so why not make it happen)…?? If I could have a say on the way things pan out in life for all of us, I would only wish for a life without complication. Being so far away from home, I have really started to appreciate how important “family” is and cannot wait to see them all: hopefully with my little girl and for her to meet the most admiral family a father could ever wish for. Single life has its perks in some way, but reflecting seems to be a problem of mine and now and then I feel like I will end up alone and cwtched up to the sofa with a pillow instead of a potential soul mate. I think for anyone that feels the same, we have feelings and emotions which now and then need expressing and I would like to think there Is someone in the world for each and everyone of us. Keeping in shape is my way of feeling good and I would like to think in doing so being in a relationship is less of a big deal when I have a strong set of lungs and the most beautiful daughter a father could ever ask for. To end today’s post we all have a purpose in life and time will only tell whats in store for each and every one of us. Never lose hope!! Goodnight BLOG!!!
Well by the looks of things its likely I wont be able to see my daughter for a while yet, you would think by going through all the correct channels it would be easier to compromise and find an alternative solution to this predicament. The temptation has been there to try and get in contact with my daughter’s “mother’s side” of the family, mine being over 400 miles away are unable to help, having so much going on themselves, plus I would not want to be a hindrance with so many other things going on right now in their own lives; but for the best interest of my daughter I have decided not to get in contact… I have not really had too much time to attend this blog the last couple of days, due to long hours working, designing and heaps and heaps of times speaking with organizations, solicitors, social groups to try and fully maximize my understanding of how single parents deal with these issues and how to move forward. Speaking on a personnel level, my relationship wasn’t even that bad, I was quite happy, I worked a lot and tried my best to take my daughter as much as possible so that her mother could relax. Not long after the baby was born things started to get slightly more complicated, tension was building- up at home and unfortunately landed us both in this position today. Its hard to move on from any difficult relationship, things can be said in the heat of the moment between both parties, but there’s so many avenues designed to help build the bond between families and in other cases its too late and you just need to move on for your own health. For me its more about my little ‘understudy’ being reassured “daddy will see you soon” and I also feel as much as its been my choice to go through the correct channels, that by doing this: both parents won’t suffer in the long run and can continue life without the stress of constantly being reminded of what “was” as apposed to a build-up of ‘negativity’ and ‘anger’ each time you try and arrange a time to share custody of a child that either parent cannot be without. I have spent the last three weeks jogging, spending so much time working on my new and exciting venture, as well as contacting old friends, having plenty of time to reflect and even done a spot of painting in the bathroom. I have had a lot of things to keep me focused on the BIGGER picture, but the longer time goes, as hard as it has been for me, “physically and emotionally” I am genuinely starting to feel happier and know sooner or later things will be back to normal and me and my daughter can snack on sausage rolls at the park again. Hope everyone is having a nice weekend and to all the others who manage to stumble across this page,things will only get better, there is a lot of love in the world so keep on pushing forward and things will all work out for the best.
Well I have officially written off my voice box, I never realized that talking so much could ruin your chances of holding a conversation. Its been quite difficult recently, the more time I spend away from my daughter, the more time I find myself spiraling in & out of normality. I am trying to remain patient as I believe this to be the best possible way when dealing with mediation, plus it gives both parents the chance to reflect on everything that’s happened and to also consider whats best for the baby… At the end of the day this is why I am going through all this for Scarlett. Cannot wait to see her and go feed the birds and have a good old catch up You realize how fast time travels when you spend most nights alone, work, work, work, no action and all play. I have to start planning ahead, I have spent the last few nights with someone pretty close to me and the conversations have been endless. I am now working on a new project, inspired by my daughter and encouraged by my family. The world of possibilities are always available if you put your mind to it, keep your head down and keep focused, try and remain happy and in good company and only time will tell what the future holds, which in my case I have nothing to lose; apart from long shifts at work and most importantly keeping positive. Anyway I am off for the evening. Peace out journal, blog, thing, whatever you want to call it.
A fairly late response due to long weekend. Well the last couple of days have been moving forward in a great way, I am now on the verge of either sliding into a continues thought about life & how I managed to land myself in this position, or to feel younger and find a more passionate and creative side to myself which I lost many moons ago. So as I sit here typing I am playing a nice little record by an artist named “John Martin” called (Glory-Box). I have found music really helps you focus, especially a song that you can relate to. What stands in the way of being happy and trying to find that spark of passion. I love my daughter and would only expect any parent like myself to put their kids first and to not over complicate a delicate matter, but we all deserve to feel, experience and encourage change “otherwise what’s life about”?… Exercise, try something “not you” and “spontaneous”, this is where I plan on heading! Treat yourself, if you find yourself faced with an opportunity grab it, challenge it, It has plans for you believe it or not and these plans could be a part of your future. Well I always try to keep a level head and have always managed to keep going regardless of how difficult things can get at times. Sometimes I reflect to days where I was younger and the more I think about it, just to experience life, love, friendship, intimacy, touch, sound along with feelings and a whole world of emotion, this is what makes me who I am and the decisions I have made over the years are truly valued as a result of my actions. There are so many organizations and social groups designed at meeting new people, dating sites for those in need of romance, slimming magazines for those worried about their weight, I guess not everyone thinks like me, but we are all beautiful, no matter what others say, no matter how many children you have, no matter what size waste line you are, shape, how much money you have… you could be the richest person in the world and Spend each day lonely and deprived of true love. So ending today’s post, stick some epic music on in your home, Get out your note pads and start drafting up a more exciting life for yourself. We all deserve one